Days Can B Sunnny W Never A Sighhh…

I Can’t Remember How Long It Has Been

Since I Last Sat Here And Wrote To You

Like This

Letting It Flow

T Way It Began.

I’m Adjusting To Rubyyy Having A Face

Shaking Hands As Rubyyy

Lovers Who Say That Name Instead.

I Just Read T Above Out Loud.

I Cried.

I Always Read My Work Out Loud.

Flynt Had To Remind Me T Other Day

That I Have To Save Rubyyy Jones.

I Was N Tears,

A Theme,

I Was Feeling Like ‘A Failure’

Because Of Debt
Because I Miss Performing W A Heavy Ache N My Chest
Because I’m Feeling A Little Lost Lately.

Things Are Moving Very Fast For Me.

For Us.

We Are Learning, Or Repeating Until We Learn, At A Rapid Pace
This Is Our Place N ‘Human’ History
This Is A Test
This Is It

And I Feel It

I Feel It N My Heart
I Feel It N My Need To Sing & Shock & Strut
I Feel It Oozing & Melting Every Flimsy Rule We All Live By.

And I Know Now

I Wasn’t Crying Into Flynt’s Shoulder Because I Was A Failure

But Because I Am Failing To Give Myself Space
Energy
Support

PRESENCE

To Grow & Show & Bloom Like I Want To
Need To
Am Meant To.

I Think A Lot About Legacy

A Lot About My Present Life N T Life Story Of My Soul

A Lot About Right & Wrong & Fair

I Think Too Much.

Without Presence, T Focus Is Debt
W Presence, T Focus Is All T Things I Am Building, Pruning, Boosting
These Are Blessings
Presence Is A Choice

Without Presence, T Focus Is On T Pain I Feel From T Disconnection From Performance
W Presence, I Recognize That N Performing I Am Happiest, Strongest & Clearest
This Is A Blessing
Presence Is A Choice

Without Presence, I Am Lost.

I Must Make A Choice

I Find Myself N My Spirituality

My Light.

Every Time I Extinguish A Match
I Am 15 Again
I Am A Teenager Filled W Moxie & Simmering Self Hate
I Am A Witch
And I Am Happy.

When I Hear T Hari Krishna
On Oxford St, Around Soho
I Chase After Them
I Find Their Sienna & Gold Train Of Joy
And I Let T Ringing Of Their Bells
And T Thumping Of Their Drums
And T Vibrations Of Their Wild Voices
Blast Through Me
I Allow T Sonic Energy To Radiate & Realign
I Allow
And I Am Happy

I Will Never Forget T Dervishes Of Istanbul
I Hope To See Them Again.
A Trip W My Mother
I Sobbed N T Bathroom
Frantically Sketching T Pain I Was Feeling
Out Came A Picture Of Me
Naked W A Bloated And Bursting Tummy
W An Anchor Deep N My Cunt
Attached W A Heavy Chain To My Heart.

I Want To B N Love So Badly.

I Want To B N Love With Myself So Badly.

I Want Me.

N Presence, She Is There

N Madness, I Don’t Blame Her For Running Away

N Truth, She’s Always Here.

As I’m Stretching My Boundaries, My Vulva, My Heart
As I’m Remembering, Resurfacing, Navigating
As I’m Skipping, Fucking, Becoming
I Cannot Forget
Me

T Me Who’s T Oldest And Middle Child
T Me Who Fell N Love W T Stage From T Wings, Waiting For My Entrance. I Was Six, I Can Still Remember T Intense ‘YES’ Blossoming N My Heart, Drawing Me Into T Center, Wanting To Feel That Light On My Face
T Me Who Dreams Of True Love, Of Forever, Of One

Sighhh

That Felt Good

To Speak Like That Again

Again, It’s Hard W T Face

And Other People’s Heart

And My Heart

But It’s About Being Brave & Honest & Bold N These Times

And Thisss Has Always Been About Being Brave & Honest & Bold

Within Me

With You

For Us

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

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