The Letting Go

So Loversss

It’s been one of those times again, where things are morphing and changing so fast, I’m hesitant to write them down. Want to give things, relationships, situations their space, in their unformed potential, to become what they will. I’m starting to understand how my writing effects different people close to me, and part of that understanding is still coming. I think Flynt may feel my blog, my writing ruined some of our potential, I will ask him but I don’t know what to think about that. I write from my heart and the heart changes so quickly, it’s so fluid it feels precarious to write about it now. But I am love. You know that Shirley song: Today, Tomorrow, Love Will Come And Find Me, Cause That’s The Way That I Was Born To Be, This Is Me, Thisss Is Me… Well that’s something I’ve realized on an even deeper cellular level recently, I am love. And not just me, obviously, we all are but there’s that very important power in positive self acceptance. So much of our self acceptance mottos, religions, etc emphasize accepting, owning the worst about you… But don’t forget about also accepting and owning the best! So I recognize this now, that I am love, I am loving and I am lovable.

I recently met a lovely man who has been helping me with some healing. some moving forward and some comes; lets call him… Jackson. We bumped into each other at a few parties before we finally connected and just at the right time, I was needing some wonderful intimate sex, some spiritual conversation and some tough sweetness and he is great at all three. We’re definitely lovers, it feels very intimate but it’s still casual, light and fun; just what I need. I’ve never fucked someone who speaks to my whole body the way he does, our play before our fuck reminds me a bit of the unbridled lust of secret teenager fucking. In the car or your parents living room, charged, ravenous, aggressive; it’s like that without the frantic fumbling, it’s absolutely delicious. I’m also happy to be loving with someone sweet as I’m feeling overwhelmed by my new orgasms, just a little and after sex of whatever kind, I feel very vulnerable…and dehydrated. After the fuck we lie together stroking and talking for hours, perhaps a few more orgasms for me, but mostly we connect more sensually, also just what I need.

So I’ve been making space in my heart, in my cunt, in my life for Jackson and, with true openness, to others and it’s been a little tough. When making space and connecting ties with new people, experiences, there tends to be a letting go, an untying of previous attachments to feelings, people, habits and it’s been painful for me to let go of some of my remaining romantic threads with Flynt. Bittersweet, I guess. I want to, which makes it easier, but with that letting go there seems to be a breaking down of the illusion, of what we had and some of the experiences we shared, not necessarily a sad thing, definitely an important emotional inventory. And though I believe we will always connect as lovers, know each other that way, something has to give a little for me to have space to grow new loves. And don’t get me wrong, the love I had for and shared with Flynt was incredible and one of the truest experiences I’ve had of love but it’s just easier to see the smoke from the trees from a distance. Hindsight is twenty twenty. Blah blah blah.

Although I’ve enjoyed for many years now, the pleasures of a non-monogamous lifestyle and I’ve learned and grown a lot because of my letting go to ego attachments around owning someone or being in love or needing someone to complete me. So knowing what I know simply from my own experiences, I know my heart feels like it has shifted gears, after the years of growing, experimenting, saving Rubyyy Jones, I need a person. A person. My person. My heart home base. I’m going to keep seeing Jackson, stay open to others but I know that my heart is sending out a beacon for this adventure. I care for Jackson and I feel love for him as a fellow adventurer, as a friend who fucks me into new heights and as an awake ally; I am open to it being him, to it not and I know he’s open to just about everything. He is teaching me a lot about letting go in many waysss.

Thanks for being my person lovers…

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

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