Sex Superhero Series

Hi Lovers

Hoping You Are Goood! I Am Busyyy!
But So Happy To Be Bringing You
Part II Of My Interview With Susan Quilliam
Writer
Broadcaster
Sex Superhero

.   .   .

How Has Your Work Changed Your Relationship With Your Sexuality?

There’s now very little that embarrasses me – in fact I have to be careful not to simply speak out without thinking when I’m in public or when I’m with folk who don’t know what I do!

And there are now very few problems that I haven’t heard, which makes me very positive because I know that sexual issues can normally be resolved if you get the right information and support.

I’m glad to say that personally, I believe that my job has deepened my enjoyment of sex, rather than made it boring or disappointing; the more I learn through my work, the more I enjoy playing!

Is There One Thing You Wish Everyone Knew About Body Language?

I wish everyone knew that body language isn’t just about ‘one sign means one thing’; all nonverbal signals need to be read in context, with every cue taken into account. It’s more complex than you think…

… but on the other hand, it’s more instinctive than you think. If you have a sense that a person’s body language is telling you there’s something wrong, then there probably is. Your own body will be picking up their cues without you being conscious of it, and reflecting back the uncomfortable or incongruent feelings. Go with your gut…

What Is The Greatest Lesson You’ve Learned From Your Readers Or Listeners?

That everyone hurts, everyone can hurt others but yet everyone is capable of great love. People are far nicer than we tend to think. far more courageous, far more selfless, far more caring. I do  know that people do terrible things – but they also do wonderful things. I’m incredibly optimistic about the human race and that’s because of all the letters and phone calls I’ve received through my work.

Name One Person In Your Industry, Right Now, You Think Everyone Should Know About…

You mean, apart from Rubyyyy?

Right now, I’m totally hooked on Kate Monro. Kate’s blog The Virginity Project (http://virginityproject.typepad.com/) has been a fascinating source of stories for a long time now; her book “The First Time, True Tales of Virginity Lost and Found” (Icon Books) was published this summer; and the play-of-the-book-of-the-blog has just finished its run at the Tristan Bates Theatre at Covent Garden. Kate’s interviews are enthralling, her linking text insightful and beautifully written; above and beyond all that she makes you think about your own ‘first time’. Perfect.

.   .    .

Many Thanks to the lovely Susan for taking part and for being so wonderful!

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Sex Superhero

Presentsss…

Susan Quilliam

I met Susan Quilliam when she was guest speaker at the awesome Fannying Around; she was there to talk fannies and her new publication, the reinvigorated classic The New Joy Of Sex. I was so inspired by her talk and warmed by her grounded sweetness, it’s no wonder that Susan has spent the last twenty or so years working as an agony aunt in various publications and through her radio programme ‘Sex In The City’; I would tell her anything and everything! Starting her career in psychology and soon moving to the psychology of love and sex, Susan is an expert in relationships, sexuality and body language.
Enough from me, let’s hear from the Superhero herself…

Many thanks to Susan for taking the time to share with us!

. . .

When Did You Realize Sex Was Your Calling, Why Did You Make The Move From Psychology Into The Psychology Of Sex And Relationships?

I guess the realisation that ‘sex was my calling’ came in several stages, but probably started at birth! I certainly was very sensuous as a child, very open to and untroubled by my own sexuality. My family was religious, but my mother was an incredibly wise woman who taught me from a very early age that sex was a Good Thing; I remember when I was just starting secondary school asking her what it was like to make love and she gave me a very detailed and honest account.

As I grew up and started studying psychology at Uni, I realised that what really fascinated me were human relationships – in fact, not only intimate partnerships but work partnerships too, though that’s less relevant to this blog. I loved everything about the connection between two people, experiencing it for myself but also seeing it at a distance through my friends’ experiences and of course reading, going to the theatre, watching films; I remember reading Madame Bovary and being absolutely enthralled at the way she chose passion over convention – and then being absolutely appalled at the tragedy that followed that choice.

The big shift came, however, when I started writing about love and sex and then started making a living from that. My first published book was called Love Strategies, and described how successful couples made their partnerships work; I interviewed all my friends. they recommended me to other interviewees and the book simply grew from there. I realised that I loved not only exploring the intricacies of relationship but passing on my explorations to others.

It was at that point that I began working in all kinds of linked fields, from being an advice columnist, through writing for an academic journal. to delivering lectures and training courses on sexuality and relationships. Which brings us to now…

What Was Your First Professional Writing Gig, Involving Or About Sex?

I’m going to cheat and mention two projects.

A few years after writing Love Strategies, I was approached to write Sexual Body Talk. a book about the body language of intimac; it was a wonderful book to do because I not only wrote the words but also specified, commissioned and directed the illustrations. The book covered everything from first glance, through lovemaking, to using body language to build a relationship.

Around about that time, I had a positive smear result and had to have treatment for early cervical cancer. As a result of that, I became interested in the impact that illness – particularly illness of one’s ‘private parts’ – can have on one’s intimate life; as one doctor said to me, “When a woman has a positive smear, she needs to face up to issues around her sexuality… her fertility… her mortality.” I found that there was no book that helped women through the emotional impact of sexual illness and so wrote ‘Positive Smear’ a book supporting women in that situation.

In 3 Words, Describe Your ‘Agony Aunt’ Style

Only three words? Outspoken… Honest… Caring.

Please Share One Of Your Favourite Moments From Your Radio Programme ‘Sex In The City’…

‘Sex in the City’, which ran for two years every Friday night on LBC, was the most fantastic programme to be involved with. Jim Davis my co-presenter and I felt it a privilege each week to spend two hours getting calls not only from London but worldwide, from people who had sex and relationship problems.

To pinpoint my ‘favourite’ moment is really difficult – first because there were so many amazing calls, amazing stories, amazing resolutions, and second because much of it was extremely painful and challenging and so ‘favourite’ can seem an inappropriate adjective. I remember the man who rang us just before midnight to say that he was leaving his wife the following morning – he was packed and ready to go – but had not yet broken the news to his children. Jim and I yelled in unison: “Slow down… don’t go without telling them..”.

There were, however, many rewarding moments. To get a call from a listener who had spent weeks wondering whether to ring and who just by picking up the phone had gained courage… to get an email from a 13-year old girl who thought she was dying until we explained that she had started her periods… to listen to a caller slowly but steadily talk through his endless infidelities until he said, spontaneously “Im going to stop that…”

. . .

Stay Tuned Lovers, as I will be bringing you Part II of my interview with Sex Superhero, Susan Quilliam, soon!

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

e(Lust) #31

It’s That Time Again!
Big Thanks To The Looovely Sarah Berry Who Invited Me Along To Private Pictures
My Entry On The Evening (Private Picturesss), Below!

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #32 ? Start with the rules, come back in January to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

A Feminist Defense of Consensual Nonconsent – How does a woman who identifies as a feminist reconcile her desire to submit to her partner during sex? Being somewhat new to kink, I had some trepidations about how submission seemingly went against my ethics.

Intimates – As the evening drew on, I felt like the sexiest woman alive. It’s strange to describe it this way, but I actually felt brimming with a sort of sexual energy. A lustiness, a sexiness, an allure and a desire all at once.

Tightest Space – I’m paying close attention to your moans, and I stop whenever it feels like it might be too much. But the incredibly tight feeling of your ass gripping my cock is so delicious that I need to get all the way in.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

An Open Letter to the Sex Toy Industry – I write this post not to just let off some steam but with the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe…….just maybe….some of these words will land on the right computer screen and be taken to heart. Maybe one change will happen.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

International #Fisting Day!! – Beyond awareness and calling for action, I think International Fisting Day is a great day to celebrate fisting; an intimate, hugely erotic and often orgasmic act that doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Bit about Crushes
Are You on the Pill?
How to Approach Your Partner with a Fantasy
Meeting New People
Sex And Disability: What Does the Literature Say?
Settling – Striving For Connections in Non-Monogamy
Sex and Heart Attacks
Training my rear end

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Getting Past The Word ‘Slut’
Private Picturesss
The Fetish Fashion of l’Enfant Terrible

Kink & Fetish

Enough is Enough
Hands
In his hands the vibe was intensity personified
Live Well
Public Exposure: The Third Birthday Fantasy
Rope
Scammers come in different flavours
When Submission is a Dry Biscuit

Erotic Writing

A contrast in swinging
A Frightened Heart
6-Some Fun
Bent
Come Again
Emily
Her First Time
In the Bathroom
Move
treat

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Natural Woman

Hi Looovers

Sooo a couple months ago, as a birthday gift to start and then as an experiment, I began to grow out my body hair. In the past I’ve done the shaving thing and the waxing thing and it wasn’t until I began growing my hair that I realized…

I didn’t even know what my preference was, how I wanted to be…

I shaved because, like most girls who learn from mother, media and men, I believed I should have smooth legs, underarms and follow fashion for the pubes. I was more of a shaver, as waxing is pricey and left my sensitive skin bruised around my thighs and mound, though I preferred my underarms waxed. Legs, I was never picky with them, I did love the slip of a smooth hair-free calf and boys did too. Underarms were obviously, always shaved, beautiful women did not have furry armpits and that was total dirty hippie territory.

Rubyyy Jones By Echo Moss

It has been 2ish months and it’s been wonderful experimenting and discovering how I feel about my body and body hair. I let my legs grow, because I have fair hair and love the different kind of softness when I touch my skin. My pubes I’m still undecided about, as it’s a mix of loving them natural and, as I do more burlesque and am applying more merkins, tape and/or glue, hating them! As you can imagine!

As you know, I’m a bit showgirl meets s***disturber and I love the ultra feminine blend of sequin dresses, glittering jewels and a full armpit of hair. I enjoy the effect it has on people and how and what it makes them think; about glamour, about feminism, about their tastes. I genuinely love the way it looks and feels.

I am happy that I took the time to experiment, to discover what I like, that I have the freedom in myself to do so. What I like most about this little journey is, that now I feel liberated from a single way of being I know I can always change my style and I’ll be doing it for me. It was nice to break my attachments to certain standards of beauty, femininity and perception by others so I can be one step closer to a totally free me!

Would love to know your thoughts! Leave me a comment about your fur rituals!

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Wet Wednesday

Easyyy Love

I’m Not Interested

In Sleazy Love

In Cheesey

Pleasey

Queasy Looove

I Want It Deep

Flowy

Bright In The Sky

Some Easy

Easy

Easy Love

I’ll Take All Your Baggage

Move Your Luggage Up The Stairs

Sandbags Of Sadness, All Your Cares

Nothing Too Heavy

In Exchange

For Your

Endless

Endearing

Easy Love

Tumble Out Of Mouths

Over Sheets

Up Hills

Sprinkle Over Eggs

On My Pillows

Under My Skin

Making Art

Making Love

Making Sense

Of Our Easy

Easy

Easy Love

After Months Of Cold Love

Of Almost Love

Of Sad Love

Give Me Your

Thanks For Your

I Love Your

Your Easy

Easy

Easyyy Love

Click The Pic For All The #Move Entries

And For All The Wanton Ones, Thanks To Molly For Taking It On This Week! xxx

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Foood Thoughts

Hi Loversss

Hoping you are reading this feeling grounded, feeling joyful, feeling thankful!

I am feeling, as I write this, a bit nervous and grateful, to be sharing a chapter of my life with you; in a way I feel that this is a story that is still being written, that may remain a footnote for the rest of my life. When we suffer with, from and for a dis-ease that shows up on our skin, manifests in a cough or scratchy throat, it’s hard to hide our afflictions, and maybe we don’t want to – cuddles are the best cure for the common cold! When we suffer from mental illness, it’s our secret dis-ease for a while, or forever, and becomes a dear companion, the only one who understands; this is my tale of bulimia and me.

I began sticking my fingers down my throat late in my teens but my body war began long before. We moved from the quiet town where I grew up to a big city, right at the time when my parent’s dysfunctional marriage really hit its peak; I was nine and I began to turn to food for comfort. The move was very hard for me and I was bullied at my new school, kids called me a ‘rich bitch’ (we lived in a big house, we were not poor but we were not rich) and I was mocked relentlessly for my strange eyes, often wordlessly across the room I’d see them pulling at the corners of their faces to mimic my almond slant. I stopped speaking up in class, I didn’t join any clubs and I didn’t have many friends; I’d spend most of my time alone after school or dance class, listening to and watching musicals, dreaming of when I would grow up and be the beautiful movie star I wanted to be. I wasn’t totally unhappy in my singing and dancing world but I was lonely sometimes and self-doubt began to build a little fort inside my mind.

Almost every morning while my Dad was in the shower, I would sneak into his room, slip my hand into yesterday’s trousers and steal some money for my ritual. It began to be my favorite part of the day when I could have a sweet reassuring binge before heading into the hostile, scary place that was school. I found salvation in all the foods my Mom would never buy, in the puckering sour of penny candies, in the creamy filling of pastries and the oily comfort of potato chips. Soon my average frame met puberty, and these daily caloric overloads, and my little body ballooned so they could add ‘fat bitch’ to their arsenal of insults. After two years of almost constant tumult we moved back to our same small town and my eating disorder moved with us, I was eleven.

As a girl and a preteen I was precocious, clever, beautiful, creative, I could sing, dance, play sports, write essays, do math, you name it, but with the help of my new friend I realized there was one thing I would never be: thin. I loved spending my allowance or babysitting cash on People, Vogue and Vanity Fair magazine, I was into everything Hollywood, old and new and I wanted nothing more than to one day be in the pages of those zines. I covered one door in my bedroom with those milk ads, so many perfect glossy bodies and faces, all milk mustachioed, smiling at me as I stared into a full-length mirror loathing myself. My tummy was always what I hated the most and I punished myself as I saw fit, grabbing handfuls of flesh I would squeeze and twist myself until I broke down, sometimes punching myself as hard as I could in the stomach, never as hard as I wanted to; I know now I wanted to feel pain physically to match the pain I felt so intensely in my heart. It was at this time that my parents got divorced and my first round of depression really set in. So as I was adjusting to my changing body, high school, parents divorce, I was making more space in my self for my depression, my eating disorder and thoughts of suicide, I was thirteen, fourteen. It was a hard time for Rubyyy Jones.