Misssing In Action…

Hey Loversss

Sooo
Yeahhh I realize I’ve been a bit quiet lately, a bit distant you might say; I have been giving my personal life a little breathing space and also have been a busy bee!

Sooo
I’m back to you now, a little tentatively as I see my blog changing shape in the new year, and I find myself in a interesting head and heart space. I realized, while on a brief holiday in Canada, that I’m in love with two wonderful men. This is lovely for lots of reasons and I feel lucky to be blessed with very lovable lovers. Jackson is a darling and my darling, also known as Dark Horse, and he is just that and is alwayyys ‘dark horsing’ me. I’ve never been in such sweet love before and it really is a joy to be adored by him. This time last week, I was soaking in a lavender bubble bath he had drawn for me, scrubbing off that nights show and treating my tired everything. I could feel him through the wall, both of us so happy to be together again after a break and loving the physical closeness of our connection, I was smiling to myself and felt more at ease than I have in ages  and  I was struck so strongly by the thought:

…Love Really Is All You Need…

One of the things I ’ve loved learning from, with Jackson is the pleasure and freedom of nonattachment and though I like nice things, enjoy comfort and a tactile life, as I sat scrubbing away it really sunk in for me that I would rather this feeling of connected tenderness and to live a modest life then to have any and all of my wildest material dreams fulfilled. This is happiness in your bones that comes simply from loving someone and being loved in return.

After toweling off and a few hours of ridiculously lovely sex with my love, I had a little cry on his shoulder as I told him that I realised, while on my brief Canadian holiday, that my heart is in a polyamorous place at the moment (I’m all about fluidity so I will not declare a fixed orientation) and I was happy to find that I love Jackson and am in love with him but that I also love and am in love with Flynt. Jackson is polyamorous, so the tears were not in the telling but I felt the heaviness of speaking through years of conditioning and also not feeling very sure about what to do about it all. Flynt and I are not together and may never be the position where an ‘us’ would be possible – all I really could do is tell him. And I did.

I wish I could say telling him lifted the weight I feel or made my heart lighter but it honestly didn’t really. Well maybe a bit…but to me it’s information that needed to be shared for fairness sake, fairness to me, to him and to my heart.  I don’t love people so they will love me back, I love because it is my nature and my passion and knowing whether he feels deeper love for me or not is not my motivation for telling. To be honest, I’m not even asking for a particular future with him cause I just don’t have that on my mind, I don’t know what I want from this situation…maybe just to be loved…

When I first got together Flynt I had this little dream for our love. While I was in England, we would be lovers and make the most of the time we had and of each other, we would fall in love so we could love each other the rest of this life. I would see him when I came back to London, for work or holiday and I would spend a few weeks in the quiet country each year, with him and his family, relaxing, writing and revisiting our connection. Our love would change and grow, would see him settled in his life,surrounded by family, happy at last, would see me through soulmates and children and art. We would grow old and I’d probably know the emptiness of living on this earth without him rolling around, causing mischief and I would hold, close to my spirit, the energy of everything that we were to each other. Just a little dream…

Sooo
I’m back and I’m sharing and I thank you for being so patient

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

The Letting Go

So Loversss

It’s been one of those times again, where things are morphing and changing so fast, I’m hesitant to write them down. Want to give things, relationships, situations their space, in their unformed potential, to become what they will. I’m starting to understand how my writing effects different people close to me, and part of that understanding is still coming. I think Flynt may feel my blog, my writing ruined some of our potential, I will ask him but I don’t know what to think about that. I write from my heart and the heart changes so quickly, it’s so fluid it feels precarious to write about it now. But I am love. You know that Shirley song: Today, Tomorrow, Love Will Come And Find Me, Cause That’s The Way That I Was Born To Be, This Is Me, Thisss Is Me… Well that’s something I’ve realized on an even deeper cellular level recently, I am love. And not just me, obviously, we all are but there’s that very important power in positive self acceptance. So much of our self acceptance mottos, religions, etc emphasize accepting, owning the worst about you… But don’t forget about also accepting and owning the best! So I recognize this now, that I am love, I am loving and I am lovable.

I recently met a lovely man who has been helping me with some healing. some moving forward and some comes; lets call him… Jackson. We bumped into each other at a few parties before we finally connected and just at the right time, I was needing some wonderful intimate sex, some spiritual conversation and some tough sweetness and he is great at all three. We’re definitely lovers, it feels very intimate but it’s still casual, light and fun; just what I need. I’ve never fucked someone who speaks to my whole body the way he does, our play before our fuck reminds me a bit of the unbridled lust of secret teenager fucking. In the car or your parents living room, charged, ravenous, aggressive; it’s like that without the frantic fumbling, it’s absolutely delicious. I’m also happy to be loving with someone sweet as I’m feeling overwhelmed by my new orgasms, just a little and after sex of whatever kind, I feel very vulnerable…and dehydrated. After the fuck we lie together stroking and talking for hours, perhaps a few more orgasms for me, but mostly we connect more sensually, also just what I need.

So I’ve been making space in my heart, in my cunt, in my life for Jackson and, with true openness, to others and it’s been a little tough. When making space and connecting ties with new people, experiences, there tends to be a letting go, an untying of previous attachments to feelings, people, habits and it’s been painful for me to let go of some of my remaining romantic threads with Flynt. Bittersweet, I guess. I want to, which makes it easier, but with that letting go there seems to be a breaking down of the illusion, of what we had and some of the experiences we shared, not necessarily a sad thing, definitely an important emotional inventory. And though I believe we will always connect as lovers, know each other that way, something has to give a little for me to have space to grow new loves. And don’t get me wrong, the love I had for and shared with Flynt was incredible and one of the truest experiences I’ve had of love but it’s just easier to see the smoke from the trees from a distance. Hindsight is twenty twenty. Blah blah blah.

Although I’ve enjoyed for many years now, the pleasures of a non-monogamous lifestyle and I’ve learned and grown a lot because of my letting go to ego attachments around owning someone or being in love or needing someone to complete me. So knowing what I know simply from my own experiences, I know my heart feels like it has shifted gears, after the years of growing, experimenting, saving Rubyyy Jones, I need a person. A person. My person. My heart home base. I’m going to keep seeing Jackson, stay open to others but I know that my heart is sending out a beacon for this adventure. I care for Jackson and I feel love for him as a fellow adventurer, as a friend who fucks me into new heights and as an awake ally; I am open to it being him, to it not and I know he’s open to just about everything. He is teaching me a lot about letting go in many waysss.

Thanks for being my person lovers…

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

 

Fannnies Rule

Hello Sweeethearts

Hoping You Are Indeed Sweet N Heart Today!

I Had A Wonderful Monday
New Connections, Delicious Food & Future Glimpses

All Delicious, All Exciting, All Good

Tuesday Is About Glam, Photo Shoots & Costumes

Save Rubyyy Jones Indeeed!

.   .   .

Missing Flynt A Bit, I Have To Admit
A Change N Connection Is Always A Bit Painful
Being Gentle With Myself, Lots Of Love & Tenderness
Perhaps He Needs A Name Change
New Connection… New Name…
We Shall See

Positive ‘Break Up’ Constant
Amazing Friends Turning It Out
And Turning Up For Me
Enjoying T Growth, Ride, Journey Along W Me

♥

.   .   .

Wanting to share with you an event I intended at Sh! Hoxton a week ago, Fannying Around brought to us by the cheeky Sarah Berry. I have to admit, I totally got the time wrong for the event and arrived an hour late (with bells on) but I still walked away incredibly moved by the night. I quickly took my seat in a circle of diverse women, range of ages, backgrounds and stories and a glass of wine was soon in my hand. Now, if you’re North American (probably true for other peoples) the fanny is your bum, not in the UK (and lots of other countries) where fanny is the vulva. Sarah graciously introduced me to the group and gave me a run down of them evening. The women were each taking turns introducing themselves and their vulvas, though not a requisite, listening only is also encouraged. We started with something like:

Hi, my name is ____
My fanny/cunt/yoni/whatever word you use is ___happy/wet/mad__.

A lovely yoga teacher was talking about her pussy and it only took a few moments for me to relax and get excited; I love being in comfortable, sexy environments and I love honest chat. A few more ladies spoke and I decided it was my turn…

Hi, my name is Rubyyy Jones and my cunt is… sad

*And Then I Burst Into Tears*

No Fury

Trying To Understand

Waiting As Patiently As An Aching Heart Can

This Is My Obligatory Hell-Hath-No Blog

Where I Write How Angry I Am

How Disappointing You’ve Been

How Much I Wish I Let Go Earlier

But

I Don’t Want Cliche

I Want To Understand

I Am Doing My Best To Live N Love

Because

It’s Easier On Me To Love Than To Hate

I Want My Energy For Light & Propulsion

I Love You

.   .   .

Sharlena
Mozart
Miss Honey
Hamilton
Pocahontas
Cleopatra
Kiki

When I Am Filled W Anger
I Hold You N My Heart To Banish T Darkness
To Replenish W Light

.

.   .

I Remember T 3 Of Swords
I Remember Your Hermit Card
I Remember This Time Last Year

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Love & Light: Part III

I Love Him

I Love Him

I Love Him

. . .

That Is Alll…

Love & Light: Wet Wednesday Edition

Oh Loversss!

You Are Wondeful Indeeed

Thank You For Being So Wonderful

Since I began my 33 Days Of Love & Light I’ve been thinking a lot about whom I have loved, been in love with and loved by, and it’s with a happy heart I believe there haven’t been many, though I could also argue I’ve never been ‘in love’.
Most recently, I fell a little bit in love with my Samurai and after some transformative time together,  we ended things and moved on, as love can only live in the light, and that was no longer the case with us. There’s still lots of love there, I respect him as a colleague, I honor him as a former lover and friend, I appreciate all that he gave me by loving and fucking me into a wider open heart. My latest piece of writing, my first book/collection is my tribute to him, to myself, to our time together and I’m looking forward to spinning into stories the love and lust that we shared.

So, I Wanted To Give You A Itty Bitty Sneak Peek
I’m Calling It ‘T Samurai Series’ At T Moment…
You’ll Have An Even Closer Look Soon
I’ll B Publishing More N Part II Of My Article ‘Summmer N T City’ For MetAnotherFrog.com.

.   .   .

…She lay in the middle of his bed, on her tummy, on a soft throw. The fan blowing in the corner was cooling the water droplets not yet toweled off and Rubyyy shook and tossed her damp hair. After they’d bathed each with tongues and kisses, they had jumped into the shower, playfully washing and kissing some more. They were high on each other’s beauty, sex and newness; they both knew no inch would go unexplored. ‘Can I wash you baby?’ he said softy, between kisses, skating soapy fingertips between the gap in her thighs. A kiss and a ‘yes’, and he sat cross legged at her feet, water pouring over his lap, his beautiful cock; he lathered her crevices and smiled, as he pressed ‘I love your puffy mound’. ‘Aren’t all women like that?’ Rubyyy asked, blushing slightly, hearing the girlish tone in her voice she couldn’t let go of around him, he kissed his reply and continued to happily bathe and admire her. She’d left the shower before him, still nervous, feeling anxious to fuck. Rubyyy felt like a virgin for the first time in her life. …

.   .   .

Love Lust & Light
♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Love & Light: Day 4

*Big Hug*

Hellooo…
Hope You Are Welll & Wonder Full!

Write Down 3 Reasons You Are Blessed Right Now

Gooo! Read It 3 Times & Burn It

♥

.   .   .
I’m All About T Video Looove Today
.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

.   .   .

Love Lust & Light
♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Poly & Me

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.

“Polyamorous” can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved
via WIKIPEDIA

Poly, Poly, Poly…

Sighhh

I was asked recently, if I ‘identify’ as poly; at the time I answered:

I Wouldn’t Say I Do And I Wouldn’t Say I Don’t.

Majority of relationships/lovers I have been involved with over the last two years have been poly situtations in various forms. I’ve also learned that being defined as poly is not synonmous with having mulitple partners but more an emphasis on openness and acceptance; good to know. Then perhaps you could say I am…

After frolicking open hearted into the experience on a new level with Flynt, I’m just not sure what I believe/feel/am anymore. It was Flynt who asked me the poly question and his answer, currently, would be a deeply rooted ‘yes’. Poly is who he is, what feels right in him and it’s been wonderful to have a guide in him and my lover, Hamilton. In previous situations, I had space between me and my partner’s partners. With Samurai, I didn’t know their names and I never knew what any of them looked like or what they loved or what they knew and when I saw him, it was just us.  With BBB, he was married (open relationship) and though I knew of his wife and she knew of me, never did we all sit and have a meal together or even share passing conversation on the phone. So… That’s my previous poly experience up until a month or so ago… Then in true Rubyyy fashion I just dived right in

My first true poly interaction came on the night of the Erotic Awards; Flynt and I were to meet Bunny (Flynt’s gf) and her date (lover?) for a little socializing and whatnot before heading off for a night of debauchery and dedicated sexiness. I was horrified to be informed 10 minutes before our meet up, that Bunny’s date would not be attending and the three of us would heading to the awards together. I was pissed off and terrified. Why did this change anything? Well, mainly it was that I was prepared for the idea of a little separation, baby steps but ohhh no! No baby steps for you Rubyyy Jones! I wasn’t scared to meet Bunny, I’d met her; she seemed nice and sweet and all, I was more afraid of the unknown.

Flynt and I had discussed boundaries for the evening and I had decided initaly that I wanted it to be us two but the more I thought about it, the more I thought: I would be so sad if I attended an event where Flynt was and I wasn’t allowed to kiss him or hold him, even to say ‘Hello’. So after careful consideration, I decided I would be happy for everyone to be free and loving on the night; meaning Flynt and Bunny could do like lovers do, and I would be free to do the same.

So here comes the unknown; how was I going to feel to see my brand new lover (this was our second fucking date) kissing and holding another. I was so nervous before she arrived I could hardly speak; I felt if I opened my mouth I was going to be sick. It wasn’t her, it was the situtation going against everything I’ve been wired to know and feel. Would I feel angry when they kissed? Would I want to rip them apart and scream? Would I be turned on? Would I feel sad or hurt and want to cry? The not-knowingness of it all was vomit inducing… I’m happy to report the evening was fine and when I saw Flynt kiss her (and several other ladiesss) I felt nothing but curiousity and the occasional flash of warmth, knowing how it feels to be looked at, like that, by him. Not to mention I spent most of the evening free to flit between my lover Flynt, one of the sexiest motha fuckers I know and the absolutelyyy deliciousss Hamilton, my cherry and ivory lovaaa…

Mmmm So It Has It’s Upsides

It Has Many Sides

Who knew that the downsides would be so loopy and confusing and emotional? I guess I did, or I should have known, but I haven’t experienced the moments, the scenarios, I tried so hard not to anticipate in the moments I anticipated them. Jealousy. Anger. Fear. They’ve all come up, never when I expected. I didn’t anticipate burning throats, Wetherspoons ego circus, an almost-stranger’s tears at midnight, Geminis and being afraid to kiss his lips.  It’s been challenging because it took away some of the ‘shiny’ between Flynt and I, for me. Though I care for him deeply, feel love for him, I wish we could’ve had a longer sorta fun flirty beginning; navigating several egos and hearts and schedules is fucking tedious. And boring. And… Sighhh It’s fine. It’s just not fun.

I Don’t Need Serious N My Love Life Right Now

Not Ever

Is That Too Much To Ask?

I like all the talking, the communicating, the openness. I’m confused and muddled and shaky on a few parts too. So, if you asked me to answer today, if I identify as poly or not; my answer would be:

I Wouldn’t Say I Do And I Wouldn’t Say I Don’t.

.   .   .

Love Lust & Light
♥
R

Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Le Sighhh

*Deep Breath N*

*Exhale*

So Many Wonderful Things N My Life

Moving Forward, Growing & Just Around T Corner

And Since This Is Always T Case

That Life Is Moving Forward, Expanding, Etc

Why Is It, That T Joys & Rhythms Of Life

Are All T More Obvious & Easy When You’re Gettin Fucked?

Now, You All Know I’m Self Love All T Way

But There Is T Difference Of Touch, Of Eye Contact, Of Exchange

That Makes Sex W Another Person So, Frankly, Vital To Mental & Emotional Health

I’m Not T Same Rubyyy Without Orgasms Or Cuddles Or Whispers W A Lover

I’m A Very Happy Rubyyy Without

But There Is A Part Of Me That’s Just Not Settled Without Anothers Touch

Without Sweetness From Some Sweetheart

Without T Joy Of Giving Over All T Love Lust & Light N Myself

I Was Made To Love

I Was Made To Fuck

I Was Made To Rejoice

(And Perform And Write And Heal)

Of Course, An Orgasm A Day Keeps T Dr Away

But I Reckon Some Serious Making Out

Would Keep That Dr At Bay Too

One More Time!

*Deep Breath N*

*Exhale*

Love Lust & Light

♥

R

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

P.S. If you’re in Londontown, come see me read some of my erotica and perform my Erotic Award nominated routine ‘I Wannna B!’ at T Velvet Tongue Click for detailsss!

He…

He Is…

Making It Easier On Me

By Being Hard On Me

He’s Not Being Hard

He’s Just Being… Clear

He’s Just Following T Rules

T Boundaries

T Guidelines That I Put N Place

I Don’t Feel Like I’m Breaking Them

I Just Want To B Friendly…

But Maybe There Is Something More To It

Or Maybe He’s Being His Usual Hyper Cautious Libra Self

…

I Do Miss Him

H-I-M

….

I Miss Having A Muse

I May B Muse To Many Others

But That Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Require

Want

Need

My Own Muse

My Own Inspirational Sprite

My Own Spark

…

I Love Him For Holding Firm

I Hate Him For Holding Firm

I Want Him For Holding Firm

…

I Miss Him

…

I Don’t Miss T Doubt

I Don’t Miss T Longing

I Don’t Miss T Shared Loved

…

But I Miss Him…

Love Lust & Light

♥

R

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones