Sex Superhero Series

Hi Lovers

Hoping You Are Goood! I Am Busyyy!
But So Happy To Be Bringing You
Part II Of My Interview With Susan Quilliam
Writer
Broadcaster
Sex Superhero

.   .   .

How Has Your Work Changed Your Relationship With Your Sexuality?

There’s now very little that embarrasses me – in fact I have to be careful not to simply speak out without thinking when I’m in public or when I’m with folk who don’t know what I do!

And there are now very few problems that I haven’t heard, which makes me very positive because I know that sexual issues can normally be resolved if you get the right information and support.

I’m glad to say that personally, I believe that my job has deepened my enjoyment of sex, rather than made it boring or disappointing; the more I learn through my work, the more I enjoy playing!

Is There One Thing You Wish Everyone Knew About Body Language?

I wish everyone knew that body language isn’t just about ‘one sign means one thing’; all nonverbal signals need to be read in context, with every cue taken into account. It’s more complex than you think…

… but on the other hand, it’s more instinctive than you think. If you have a sense that a person’s body language is telling you there’s something wrong, then there probably is. Your own body will be picking up their cues without you being conscious of it, and reflecting back the uncomfortable or incongruent feelings. Go with your gut…

What Is The Greatest Lesson You’ve Learned From Your Readers Or Listeners?

That everyone hurts, everyone can hurt others but yet everyone is capable of great love. People are far nicer than we tend to think. far more courageous, far more selfless, far more caring. I do  know that people do terrible things – but they also do wonderful things. I’m incredibly optimistic about the human race and that’s because of all the letters and phone calls I’ve received through my work.

Name One Person In Your Industry, Right Now, You Think Everyone Should Know About…

You mean, apart from Rubyyyy?

Right now, I’m totally hooked on Kate Monro. Kate’s blog The Virginity Project (http://virginityproject.typepad.com/) has been a fascinating source of stories for a long time now; her book “The First Time, True Tales of Virginity Lost and Found” (Icon Books) was published this summer; and the play-of-the-book-of-the-blog has just finished its run at the Tristan Bates Theatre at Covent Garden. Kate’s interviews are enthralling, her linking text insightful and beautifully written; above and beyond all that she makes you think about your own ‘first time’. Perfect.

.   .    .

Many Thanks to the lovely Susan for taking part and for being so wonderful!

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

Sex Superhero

Presentsss…

Susan Quilliam

I met Susan Quilliam when she was guest speaker at the awesome Fannying Around; she was there to talk fannies and her new publication, the reinvigorated classic The New Joy Of Sex. I was so inspired by her talk and warmed by her grounded sweetness, it’s no wonder that Susan has spent the last twenty or so years working as an agony aunt in various publications and through her radio programme ‘Sex In The City’; I would tell her anything and everything! Starting her career in psychology and soon moving to the psychology of love and sex, Susan is an expert in relationships, sexuality and body language.
Enough from me, let’s hear from the Superhero herself…

Many thanks to Susan for taking the time to share with us!

. . .

When Did You Realize Sex Was Your Calling, Why Did You Make The Move From Psychology Into The Psychology Of Sex And Relationships?

I guess the realisation that ‘sex was my calling’ came in several stages, but probably started at birth! I certainly was very sensuous as a child, very open to and untroubled by my own sexuality. My family was religious, but my mother was an incredibly wise woman who taught me from a very early age that sex was a Good Thing; I remember when I was just starting secondary school asking her what it was like to make love and she gave me a very detailed and honest account.

As I grew up and started studying psychology at Uni, I realised that what really fascinated me were human relationships – in fact, not only intimate partnerships but work partnerships too, though that’s less relevant to this blog. I loved everything about the connection between two people, experiencing it for myself but also seeing it at a distance through my friends’ experiences and of course reading, going to the theatre, watching films; I remember reading Madame Bovary and being absolutely enthralled at the way she chose passion over convention – and then being absolutely appalled at the tragedy that followed that choice.

The big shift came, however, when I started writing about love and sex and then started making a living from that. My first published book was called Love Strategies, and described how successful couples made their partnerships work; I interviewed all my friends. they recommended me to other interviewees and the book simply grew from there. I realised that I loved not only exploring the intricacies of relationship but passing on my explorations to others.

It was at that point that I began working in all kinds of linked fields, from being an advice columnist, through writing for an academic journal. to delivering lectures and training courses on sexuality and relationships. Which brings us to now…

What Was Your First Professional Writing Gig, Involving Or About Sex?

I’m going to cheat and mention two projects.

A few years after writing Love Strategies, I was approached to write Sexual Body Talk. a book about the body language of intimac; it was a wonderful book to do because I not only wrote the words but also specified, commissioned and directed the illustrations. The book covered everything from first glance, through lovemaking, to using body language to build a relationship.

Around about that time, I had a positive smear result and had to have treatment for early cervical cancer. As a result of that, I became interested in the impact that illness – particularly illness of one’s ‘private parts’ – can have on one’s intimate life; as one doctor said to me, “When a woman has a positive smear, she needs to face up to issues around her sexuality… her fertility… her mortality.” I found that there was no book that helped women through the emotional impact of sexual illness and so wrote ‘Positive Smear’ a book supporting women in that situation.

In 3 Words, Describe Your ‘Agony Aunt’ Style

Only three words? Outspoken… Honest… Caring.

Please Share One Of Your Favourite Moments From Your Radio Programme ‘Sex In The City’…

‘Sex in the City’, which ran for two years every Friday night on LBC, was the most fantastic programme to be involved with. Jim Davis my co-presenter and I felt it a privilege each week to spend two hours getting calls not only from London but worldwide, from people who had sex and relationship problems.

To pinpoint my ‘favourite’ moment is really difficult – first because there were so many amazing calls, amazing stories, amazing resolutions, and second because much of it was extremely painful and challenging and so ‘favourite’ can seem an inappropriate adjective. I remember the man who rang us just before midnight to say that he was leaving his wife the following morning – he was packed and ready to go – but had not yet broken the news to his children. Jim and I yelled in unison: “Slow down… don’t go without telling them..”.

There were, however, many rewarding moments. To get a call from a listener who had spent weeks wondering whether to ring and who just by picking up the phone had gained courage… to get an email from a 13-year old girl who thought she was dying until we explained that she had started her periods… to listen to a caller slowly but steadily talk through his endless infidelities until he said, spontaneously “Im going to stop that…”

. . .

Stay Tuned Lovers, as I will be bringing you Part II of my interview with Sex Superhero, Susan Quilliam, soon!

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones

A Softer Side

Hi Lovaaas!

So Yesterday We Met Eric Amaranth
The First Person In My Sex Superhero Series

Todayyy He’s Sharing A More Sensual Side…

The Love Game W Eric Amaranth

1) What Do You Love Most About Yourself?

That I’ve accomplished the feat of loving myself and can also love others.

2) What Did You Love Most About Your Last, Not Latest, Lover

Her beauty, company, and how she looked and sounded when she orgasmed.

Sex Superhero Series

Hellooo Lovers!

And Welcome To My Brand New, Exciting, Educational Series On Those Who Are Working To Bring Us All Healthier Sex Life Relationships, Relations & Revelations…

.   .   .

To start my series I would like to present to you, a dear friend, Eric Amaranth. When I began my journey to discover true orgasms, I sought out all sorts of resources, mostly books and websites, and I discovered Eric in Betty Dodson’s Orgasms For Two. Eric lives in NYC and is a sex life coach, specialising in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and sex education – more on that from Eric below. After reading more about the different coaching options, I was pleased to see that he offered sessions over Skype and we very soon had an appointment in the diary for a talk session; this sort of session does what it says on the tin, talking and asking questions, you can also booked guided and lovely customized sessions with him. I felt quite nervous to meet with Eric, as I didn’t have a lot of experience talking to people about sex and being a man, I was admittedly that little bit more nervous. First of all – Look at this face…

…As soon as he popped up on my little Skype screen (you don’t have to use video!) I felt at ease. Eric has a soothing voice, a very warm energy and you can tell right away that he is really listening to you. We had an amazing talk session, one hour, and by the end I was wishing I had written down more questions! Eric is very knowledgable, nothing phased him and not naming anyone specifically he was able to use his past experience with clients and lovers to relate to everything I was asking about. Sometimes it’s just nice to hear you’re not the only one. I’ve had several sessions with Mr Amaranth and I have grown so much from what I have learned from him, I really wouldn’t be where I am today in myself and sexuality if it weren’t for him. So I’d like to take this moment to say:

Thank Youuu Eric

Thank You With The Whole Of My Heart

♥

Now here’s a little more from the man himself!…

.   .   .

In 3 sentences: what is a sex life coach?

The new form of sex therapy without the therapy. A sex life coach certainly has a more thorough knowledge base on physical sex skills than sex therapists, which are psychology-based. I also understand how the physical can interact with the mental and emotional.

When did you realize sex was your calling?

The calling, or what compelled me, was to do two things for people that I saw did not have a professional resource: solve sexual problems that are outside a psychologist’s training and be the resource for making an already good sex life an incredible one.

How has being a sex life coach changed your sex life?

It narrowed down my pool of prospective partners very quickly. When I told a woman what I do, it was immediately clear whether we’d be amazing together or, “See ya!” Women who valued good sex came to the fore which was a better thing for me in the end.

How did it feel to be written about in Orgasms For Two?

It was good to show people other options for a heterosexual relationship and shared sex life. Looking back on it, not everything in the book applies to most relationships, but many of the principles are very useful and I incorporate into my couples coaching.

What’s the biggest misconception about you and your work?

Many assume I am a sex therapist because the public isn’t aware of another term for people in my field. Therapist means psychology-based, in most cases. My service differs from what a psychology-based sex therapist does.  Nope! I do not have sex with clients.

Please share something you have learned from a client.

I learned that women can be born with two fully functioning birth canals (vaginas). Only one clitoris and one gspot though.

If you could take one lesson away from your time with Betty Dodson, what would it be?

The most profound thing overall is her ability to effectively teach clients this material and the intricate variations of detail in many given situations. That’s what took years to impart. She’d been sex coaching for almost 30 years.

Do you identify as a feminist? Why or why not?

There are different kinds of feminists. Some don’t care about forwarding female sexuality. They focus on other issues. I am a pro-sex feminist, as Betty calls it.

Give Us A Freebie Sex Tip!

You must start working as a team with your partner for better sex. Do that, and the road is paved for developing tremendous sexual pleasures.

Name a contemporary/colleague you think we should all know about

Besides Betty, Sherri Winston of Intimate Arts Center

.   .   .

Eric Amaranth can be found on his site www.sexlifecoachnyc.com
Blogging over on the Dodson and Ross site
Follow him on Twitter
Find him on Facebook

And Stay Tuned!
Because Tomorrow, Eric Plays The Love Game

Love Lust & Light

♥
R
Rubyyy Jones

On Twitter @rubyyyjones
On Tumblr Rubyyyjones